endperform.org

I never really posted anything around Thanksgiving about what I was thankful for, so I figured I would post what I am thankful for this year:

Bethany

This is my rock, my partner and my wife.  She’s stood beside me during tough times, and 2009 has seen some ups and downs, as with any relationship.  The strength of our bond cannot be broken, and she is definitely someone I’m thankful to have in my life.  I don’t know where I’d be without her.

Emmalynn and Heather

My daughter and stepdaughter, respectively.  Both bring joy and happiness into my life.  It’s amazing to watch Emma every day and just see how she’s learning, and wondering how she will develop, or what her next big discovery will be.  Although we don’t see Heather as much as we’d like, she’s still a big part of our family and it’s always wonderful when she’s with us.  Even better is watching her and Emma interact.

John (aka the big hippie bastard ;) )

A family friend who’s been around for us both and is always happy to lend an ear when I need to bitch about something geeky, which saves Beth from hearing me babble about geek-speak.

2010 is shaping up to be a great year.  It’s possible this may be the final post on endperform.org as we know it.  I’ve got some ideas cooking in my brain for the site, so don’t be surprised if things change around here. :)

I’m posting this today in memory of my dad. It’ll be three years on Monday, but I wanted to get this posted while it was still in my head. It’s one of my fondest memories of dad.

The Macbooks weren’t my first brush with Apple computers, or OS X even. Back in 2001, I bought one of the cool iMacs that had recently come out. You know, the big ole CRT models. It had a whopping 450mHz G4(?) processor and 512MB of RAM, if I remember right. At any rate, it was my first attempt at switching, and unfortunately it failed. At the time, there wasn’t a lot of decent software that I knew of out for the Mac, and the 10.0 of Mac OS was sluggish to say the least. Long story short, I eventually decommissioned the machine and put it in a corner and went back to Windows and Linux.

That wasn’t the end of the line for the Mac, though. It’s true, I lived with my parents for a while after getting out of school and working in the real world. My dad had asked about a computer, and I knew I had the Mac sitting in a corner. He basically wanted something to play with and try to learn about computers with. The Mac was perfect for that, and since I knew he wasn’t gonna get a virus (I put OS 9 back on it), it meant little-to-no work for me. I sat it on his desk downstairs, ran a network cable to it and got it set up. I loaded some games on it, and showed him a few game websites and he was set. The smile on his face is something I still think back on and remember. He absolultely loved the idea that he could get on and play Bingo at any time he wanted. He also found a few other sites, and I had bought him a CD filled with a few more Mac games. Eventually I showed him some the word processor and spreadsheet apps, and I can remember nights of him organizing things and typing things up. Sadly, he passed in 2006, and with it went the Mac. My mom is not a computer person at all, so I came and picked it back up. Last I knew of it, I gave it to my friend Eric back in PA.

I was going to go into a long, detailed retelling of the trip, but opted to go the short and sweet route. The drive to PA was uneventful, save for the heavy-duty rain we hit while leaving Georgia. We got into town around 1:30 or so, and decided to go see my family. The week was filled with a couple of events, notably lunch and subsequently dinner with old co-workers, and Sunday was Emma’s first birthday. She made out with a lot of stuff, and of course ended up wearing a lot of icing (although I think wore almost as much). Emma seemed to be OK with everything as long as mommy and daddy were within reach. She still has some ’stranger’ problems, but I think with more exposure and some time, she’ll outgrow them. The family absolutely loves our daughter, and it’s great. She’s officially a year old now, and I still can’t believe it. Time flies, as they say.

We also took in the PA Ren Faire, and unfortunately it was a hot and humid day. That made things pretty miserable, and the price of admission didn’t help either. All told, we dropped around 80 to 100 bucks between the gate fee and food. I think they’re going to price themselves out of business, as I didn’t really feel that it was worth the 28.95 per adult we paid to get in. *sighs* I was pretty let-down, as I was excited for it and had told Beth good things about it. It’s not to say that the day was a total waste, though.

The family was also happy to see us as well. I’m glad my family has taken so well to Bethany. She really does make me happy and they see that. There was some family-related drama while we were up which took away a bit of our enjoyment, but all in all it was a decent visit. I did realize that Georgia has been solidified in my mind as home. PA has changed a lot since I was last up, and some of the changes make me sad. The trip back was uneventful as well. Emma had a new car seat to adjust to, so she was a little cranky about that, but once we got home, things reverted back to normal.

Made it to PA in one piece, thankfully. Enjoying the family and the memories that come with coming back here. If you want to get together with me at some point this weekend, let us know and I’ll see what we can do. We’re leaving on Monday to head back home.

It’s been almost a year and a half since my dad passed away. I’ve been told that it’s normal for me to feel sad and that I should focus on the good times, which for the most part I have been able to do. Today isn’t one of those days, however. I had an interesting dream Monday night that he had met Bethany and told her to ‘kick my ass if I got out of line’, which I’m going to take as a good sign (besides, I do need my ass kicked once in a while). Today, though, I can’t stop thinking about him. I didn’t sleep much at all last night thanks to what I think is my insomnia coming back, so that on top of these thoughts is making for a pretty disastrous day for me. I think the thing that really, really sucks about my dad being gone is that I’ll never get a chance to show him what I’ve done with my life. He always loved his grandkids, and it just really, really sucks that he’ll never get to meet his granddaughter from his youngest son, or meet my wife, whom I know he would have loved.

I apologize for this being a bit of a downer, but I had to write it down. There’s really not a whole lot I can do other than deal with it and continue on life. He’s gone, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.