/home/endperform   Rants, rambles and technobabble

It’s been almost a year and a half since my dad passed away. I’ve been told that it’s normal for me to feel sad and that I should focus on the good times, which for the most part I have been able to do. Today isn’t one of those days, however. I had an interesting dream Monday night that he had met Bethany and told her to ‘kick my ass if I got out of line’, which I’m going to take as a good sign (besides, I do need my ass kicked once in a while). Today, though, I can’t stop thinking about him. I didn’t sleep much at all last night thanks to what I think is my insomnia coming back, so that on top of these thoughts is making for a pretty disastrous day for me. I think the thing that really, really sucks about my dad being gone is that I’ll never get a chance to show him what I’ve done with my life. He always loved his grandkids, and it just really, really sucks that he’ll never get to meet his granddaughter from his youngest son, or meet my wife, whom I know he would have loved.

I apologize for this being a bit of a downer, but I had to write it down. There’s really not a whole lot I can do other than deal with it and continue on life. He’s gone, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.